Episode 15
Beautiful vs The Beauty Standard
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Transcript
Welcome back to the Fully Nourished podcast. I'm your host, Jessica Ash, Functional Nutritionist and Integrative Health Coach, coming to you with a scientific and spiritual exploration of what it looks like to awaken our feminine radiance by becoming deeply and fully nourished in a world that wants to dull us down. You ready?
As a reminder, everything in this podcast is for education and inspiration only and is not intended as medical advice. Please talk to the appropriate professional when necessary, and please use common sense before making any changes to your diet and lifestyle.
RV LIFE UPDATE
So it's been quite a week. I feel like one of the main questions that people asked me right now is all about the RV. How's RV Life? How's living in an RV? Are you sick of living in an RV? RV, RV, RV. I have lived in our coach or RV, we sometimes call it coach, for just over a year now. And I am by no means an expert and my candle holds nothing to the torches of people that have lived in RVs for three, four or five years. we've met people that have lived in their RVs for over five years. And you know what, everybody moves into an RV for different reasons. Some people are just doing it for travel, some people are doing it because they're in this kind of transitional season in their life. Maybe they're building a house or you're looking for a house or something like that. Some people are doing it to save money. Some people do it because they have to. There's a lot of different reasons why people move into an RV. I think that that will kind of dictate the situation as a whole. And it is really fun. It's really adventurous. It's a very different type of lifestyle. I mean, there's just a lot of things like different parts of this lifestyle that people don't realize have to be a part of your daily life when you have certain conveniences. But overall, it is so fun, so adventurous. And there's always a challenge to be overcome, which is fun in and of itself.
But this week, I mean, things do happen. Like this week, we moved RV parks. We get to the RV park, it's like Sunday afternoon, we're thinking okay, we're just gonna set up and then we're gonna relax. We're gonna have a nice relaxing Sunday evening. We opened the front door, and every part of our refrigerator has fallen and crashed to the floor and shattered into a million tiny glass shards. So picture the bottle of chlorophyll, a whole bottle of the liquid organic grape juice, the Costco size maple syrup that I had just opened for whatever reason fell onto the floor and the cap plastic cap broke off. And so we have this river of chlorophyll, grape juice, and maple syrup and just shards of glass like all of last night's dinner in glass Tupperware just shattered. And we just happened to be coming from a place where you had to travel a very windy road to get from there to here. So picture a moving earthquake of river, a flood if you want to call it that of maple syrup, grape juice, chlorophyll, and just leftovers just churning and moving around just shimmying around to every crevice of my kitchen and family room living room. Just life and home and man, it was quite the sight to see and quite the cleanup. And these are just the things that happen.
Or, you know, like the fact that my feet right now are resting on six very large canvas bags full of laundry that need to be done. I mean, they actually make quite the cozy foot rest, but it's just, there's no place to put things. So you just shove it wherever, wherever it will fit. And these are just the realities of living in an RV, you can't get around them, things happen. There's not a lot of space. And it just reminds me about how much things are over fantasized about or even romanticized on social media. RV life is just one of the many things and I just share those things because I feel like it's a funny story to just remind us that life and reality is so much different than what is portrayed. And it's still fun and adventurous. And it's still so incredibly worth it. But it's also just life, you know, and life can be a challenge, and is not always perfect.
So today's episode was a requested topic talking about beauty standards, body image standards, and how we as women are physiologically impacted by the expectations that society is placing on us. Whether it's intentional or not, you know, I think we can all agree that today's beauty standards are next to impossible. If you have not already realized that I'm here to say, I'm sorry to be the messenger, but beauty standards are always impossible to meet. And they will always leave you feeling less than because the thing is, beauty standards shift, right? What comes in and out, what's considered beautiful by society's standard is always going to shift and change. And you might be lucky enough to align with stars and fit the current beauty standard. But then guess what the beauty standard is going to change, and so is your body and then guess what? Maybe you won't fit the beauty standard anymore.
So beauty standards in general, just leave that kind of overall impossible feeling. And as much as I think most of us realize that beauty standards are impossible, and that social media is not reality, right? I think we all logically know that. But unfortunately, our brains don't work like that, especially the female brain. That's not how we make decisions. That's not what shapes our reality, our emotions and our feelings and how we feel about ourselves. And our perception, actually, is the thing that is shaping our reality nine times out of ten. And what social media does to us is it shifts what beauty means to us.
I think the most dangerous part of social media is that it shapes our perception of ourselves. Like we can look at social media, we can say, yep, that's a fantasy, or that's over-romanticized, or this is not reality. But how many of us really translate that into not allowing it to shape our reality or shape our perception of ourselves? A lot of us are allowing social media in any different way, right? Doesn't have to just apply to beauty standards that can apply to other things as well, life standards, living standards, but we're allowing it to shape our perception of ourselves, if we have value or not, and even more our value and our worth, but beauty standards in particular is what I want to talk about today.
I think beauty standards and body image are really intricately intertwined and connected. It's very hard and difficult to separate beauty standards from women's bodies. Because throughout history, beauty standards and kind of what is considered beautiful from a society perspective has always been intertwined with women's size, our weight, how much of that we carry, where we carry our fat, the shape of our face, the shape of our lips, the shape of our eyes, the shape of our breasts. It really has been hard to disconnect the beauty standard from the way a woman looks. I find this interesting because I think some people would say that that's really misogynistic or something like that. And I have a little bit of a different perspective. I think that I kind of take it as a compliment in a way that society has always kind of revolved around the beauty of the feminine, and it has more so in the past when it was more celebratory of the feminine, but we can't help ourselves as human beings be because we can't deny that there's something about women that is just so dang beautiful, right? There's something about their essence or the core of them, that brings a type of beauty into the room.
I think we can all agree that it's their energy, it's the feminine energy. But society, which is very vain, starts to quickly focus on looks. And then that becomes a part of the beauty standard. And we start to get it confused with beauty. So we start to get the beauty standard confused with the actual definition of what beauty is, and we start to mix up what is truly innately beautiful, with what is just the beauty standard. And I think what happens a lot of times is that when women don't fit what is considered the beauty standard, they think that that translates somehow into them being less beautiful. I'm here to tell you that that is not the case. I mean, I feel like the beauty standard has always been kind of impossible, because let's be honest, all of us have different shapes, different sizes, different types of hair, different face shapes, different breast shapes, different lip shapes, like we those are things that we just can't help as much as we try. Our bones are our bones. And our unique features are our unique features. I don't know why this is something that shouldn't be celebrated.
BEAUTY STANDARDS THROUGH TIME
You know, if you look at body standards throughout the decades, they have been pretty impossible. I kind of looked, there's this really cool article that lays it out in a timeline that I linked in the show notes, but they go all the way back to as far as they could go. But they show how like in ancient Greece, for example, it was all about being plump and full bodied, like men's beauty standards. And Ancient Greece’s were a lot more harsh, it was all about that like chiseled, you know that chiseled look. Whereas women it was just all about being plump and beautiful and full or plump and full bodied. And that was considered beautiful. You'll see this happen a lot throughout history, especially a lot longer ago. Plumpness was often considered beautiful, because it was a sign that you had wealth, you had money, you could eat, and you could eat well. You see this in the Renaissance era where it was all about having like the ample bosom, you know, like a very plump bosom, the rounded stomach, the full hips, or in Victorian England, it was always about being desirably plump, full figured, a cinch waist, which is so funny to me because it's like how can I be desirably plump and full figured but also have a small waist. That's impossible without some type of corset, right? Like it's just an impossibility. It just defies all odds. Maybe once in a blue moon, you'll have a woman who can be really really plump and also have a small waist, but that's going to be impossible for a majority of women.
Then let's look at the last 100 years. We have the Roaring 20s where it was all about that boyish figure, it was all about the flat chest. Women who had bigger boobs would sadly wrap their breasts up with fabric or tape to kind of flatten their chest down. It was all about that downplayed waist because again, the boyish figure was in. The short bob hairstyle like of the 1920s was all the rage. Then as we enter the golden era of Hollywood, the Marilyn Monroe era, the 1950s, it goes right back to curves. So it was all about the hourglass figure and the large breasts and the slim waist. And then comes the 1960s and lo and behold, we just go right back to that kind of willowy, thin, long legs, slim legs, that kind of more like almost adolescent physique that was so in. So in the span of 10 years, we're supposed to go from curvy, and large breasts to willowy, long legs, and a very adolescent physique. Seems legit.
In the 1980s, you really see that kind of athletic, kind of a little bit curvy, but more about being tall, the toned arms that was kind of the model era where it was all about having that model physique. But then as they moved into the 1990s, it became all about the heroin chic. It was way more about the kind of androgynous look, that kind of waifish almost extremely thin, which I think most of us can look at and be like, your ribs are showing, your hip bones are showing like there's something not quite right about that. That kind of translucent skin. I almost think that in the 90s it almost looked like starvation was in like, Oh, it's so cool to be starving. That's what when I look back at like 90s catalogs, I'm just like, wow, these women look like they are starving.
And then of course, you know, we have been subjected to today's beauty standard where I feel like as we came out of the 1990s, in the early 2000s, almost like the Kardashians came into the picture and curves became in right it was like all about the fit girl physique and all about the bigger booty and the bigger breasts and like the really, really flat stomach and the thigh gap or like “healthy skinny.” I find it interesting because I feel like the beauty standards of the past, I don't know, 15 years, the ones that have really shaped the millennial brain are so impossible, it has gotten us tied up into a knot. It defies all odds, because to be very, very thin, usually a woman who's very, very muscular, she's not going to have bigger breasts unless she just is genetically predisposed to bigger breasts it's going to usually require some type of breast enhancement.
A lot of fitness professionals and a lot of people that we are have been looking at and have been kind of training our brain in the past 10 to 15 years, a lot of the women do have breast implants. I love to see how, in the past couple of years, it's been coming out that a lot of these women also have other enhancements, butt enhancements, glute enhancements, hip enhancements, because I would say for most women, if you're gonna have fuller breasts and fuller glutes, you're probably not going to have that super flat stomach, unless you're just one of, you know, the small percentages that just happens to have the shape that you store most of your fat in your breasts and your glutes and your hips and your thighs. And you just don't store a lot of fat in your stomach, which for a majority of women, that is just not the case.
Usually for most of us, when we gain weight, we're going to gain weight kind of all over. But we're going to tend to gain weight in your abdomen, because fat is safety. Our body really likes the warmth and stability that comes from having that extra layer of stored fuel around those most important internal organs. And I do feel like in the past year or so, I mean, I guess the past couple of years, I have started see how we're moving away from that kind of curvy health, fitness, back to more skinny, like skinny is in. The reason I bring this up is not to really talk about certain body types, I think we all have certain body types that some of us are going to fit in a little bit more with the standard of beauty depending on what flavor of the week it is. Whereas like some of us are very athletic and curvy. And some of us are a little taller, we tend to just be a little leaner, a little thinner, we don't have a lot of muscle on our body. And these are not things to be ashamed of or proud of, they're just who we are, our bodies are what they are. Regardless of what the beauty standard is, we are beautiful regardless, right? We don't let society dictate what is beautiful or not. Beauty is beauty.
WHAT IS BEAUTY?
I think that brings up the really important question of what beauty is. Because a beauty standard is not true beauty. And we have a lot of women walking around right now believing that they are less beautiful because they do not fit the beauty standard. And it's really interesting because a lot of us I mean, if you're a millennial like I am, and I know I have listeners of all ages, but I'm speaking from like a millennial perspective, I find it interesting because a lot of us were raised by women who grew up in like the 19, usually like 1960s 1970s 1980s 1990s, right? Like our mothers, we kind of were able to watch our mothers really strive to fit their bodies into the beauty standard. And it's interesting because they were willing to really do whatever it took to fit the beauty standard. Unfortunately for them, the beauty standard was for most women impossible to meet without starving themselves in some way, without doing constant over exercise, aerobic activity, constant and really under-eating. This is why I think like the low fat craze came in the low calorie was all about just how can I feel fuller because women were always hungry, trying to stay thin. Then we have that extra layer of where we were watching the women in our life do this to themselves. Right> Maybe we were too young to do it. You know some women I've talked to, it seriously is enraging, but their mothers did it to them as well.
But regardless of whether we were forced to partake or not, it really did shape our reality of how we should treat ourself. And I think it gave us a false sense of what beauty was - really hurting yourself or manipulating your body or starving yourself to fit a beauty standard. There's nothing really beautiful about that. And for so many women, it leads to, you know, mood imbalances, it leads to energy issues, we become exhausted, we become overwhelmed, we become anxious, we become depressed, we don't have the energy to function and fuel. And if you're someone who is a Fully Nourished student or you're aware of the Fully Nourished principles, it's like we know how well we operate fed versus being not fed. And we value feeling really good.For a lot of us, we're either on our way to overcoming that mindset of I'm going to do whatever it takes to just fit the beauty standard and get my body to conform to this standard. A lot of us have either done the work or are doing the work. And we're not, we don't feel that type of pressure as much anymore. However, we're not superhuman, and we're not immune and social media is this very interesting part of our lives. It's a love-hate relationship, where it can very much distort our reality and distort our perception of ourselves very quickly. And without even realizing it, we jump into the comparison game very quickly. We don't even necessarily realize we're doing it to ourselves. But we're here we are sitting there and comparing.
The interesting thing about comparison to me is that it's a slippery slope, because when you start to compare yourself to someone else, if you're stuck in your masculine energy, that's going to quickly turn into competition. And it's going to quickly turn into like, what are they doing, I need to be somewhere I need to be ahead, I need to get to that point. Then what we're seeing on a mass scale right now, that comparison turn to competition, and then turn to just mass conformity, versus mass conformity going on amongst women, because they've fallen prey to that masculine energy of just wanting to be as beautiful as that person, or as good as that person or as valuable as that person. And that's really the slippery slope that we have fallen into as a society is we have fallen into the slippery slope that if you fit the beauty standard, you therefore have more value. We put value in conforming to society's standards of beauty. But to me the sad truth and how I see it, and you might have a different opinion and that's totally okay. But how I see it is that at the end of the day, the beauty standard and being beautiful, and having beauty and being inherently beautiful, are two very different things.
Your typical everyday woman who would maybe consider herself average, she is the most beautiful, because she has not been brainwashed to believe that the features that are unique to her that are something that she carries and she alone carries are something to be hidden or to be ashamed of, she wears them with pride, right or wears them just with almost, I don't even like to say pride, it's just more of like a, an attachment, where it's like, this is me, this is who I am. I'm not going to try to hide it and I'm not going to try to change it. I'm actually going to try to enhance it or almost like brighten the part of myself that I've learned to accept. To me that is true beauty. That is truly being beautiful. But unfortunately, we're seeing this less and less and less because the impact that social media is having especially on younger girls and and the younger generation, but even I feel like our generation is really impacted by it. Where all around you, you're looking at women and I constantly think about what have you done to yourself.
When I'm scrolling through social media very regularly I'm just like, What have you done to yourself? You don't even look like you anymore. And it kind of reminds me of that crazy art in Hollywood that crazy abstract art, where you're like, what is it? You're looking at it you're like, it looks like a kid just kind of took their finger paints and just scribbled and flung their paint all over. And you're like that's kind of the ugliest, most repulsive thing I've seen. It's almost disturbing, borderline disturbing. And then you hear the price and you're like, millions of dollars? I wouldn't even spend one cent on that piece of art, but everybody is buying it and everybody wants it. And that is just what's cool. And that's what's in, so people will pay for it regardless of the price.
I feel that's kind of like the same way I feel. It's just like what have we done to ourselves that we thought that the features that made us unique, the features that we could look in the mirror and say, like, wow, that is me. And we decided that we wanted to just cover it up, or even desecrate it, and get rid of it. And we have let social media, you know, Hollywood really dictate what is beautiful to us, and if we are beautiful or not. And then I also think that sometimes we as women tend to think that men find certain things beautiful. I think a lot of women, at least the ones that I have talked to you have kind of let men's ideas of beauty or men's beauty standards kind of leak into their subconscious mind as well, like, well, this is what men find beautiful. I find that really interesting as well, because I think that we're not the only ones that have had our idea of what the beauty standard is shaped by the media.
I think men have had their idea of beauty really shaped by not just movies, not just social media, but also even porn. And I always think that I mean, if you're choosing men, and you're surrounding yourself with men that define what beauty is through these poor quality sources, I mean, those are not men you want to attract anyways, like good riddance to that. If those men don't find you beautiful, like thank God, you really dodged a bullet there. Because weak men will let something else define what is beautiful to them. Real men know what beauty is and know what true beauty is and can spot it when they see it. They say I want that.
This is like a whole nother rabbit hole to go down. But I didn't think of the biological kind of drives behind things. You know, when you think of women needing a certain amount of body fat in order to have ovulatory cycles. I think one study said you needed around 26% to 28% body fat to truly have these amazing, regular ovulatory cycles. And of course, we only make progesterone when we do ovulate and that progesterone, it's not just needed for fertility and for procreation, although it is a very important hormone for that. And we cannot really get pregnant and stay pregnant and have healthy pregnancies without it. But it goes into every aspect of our physiology, right? It gives us that more like relaxed, surrendering, let go feeling, it can really soothe our internal tension and our stress. And when we are low in progesterone, it impacts how quickly we age, it impacts the glow to our skin, it impacts our utilization of protein, how we repair our tissues, it impacts our utilization of copper, which is needed in the production of collagen and elastin. So it's kind of ironic that there are a lot of women, I know that studies tend to be a gross overgeneralization, and so sometimes it's like, you know, they'll throw out these percentages, like 26 to 28%, I'm sure somebody is listening and says well, I'm way less of a body fat percentage than that, and I still ovulate fine. And it's like, that's great. And there's just everyone's a little bit different.
But what I have found, and I've seen it happen again, and again, hundreds of times. were women, when they tend to really nourish themselves, well, they tend to gain a little bit of weight. You know, in the pro metabolic space, this has been called safety weight or healing pounds or things like that. Now, obviously, there is a healthy amount of weight to gain and then an unhealthy amount of weight to gain. And I think that's where the mix up starts to happen. But some of us really desperately need to gain like 10 or 15 pounds to just feel okay. And I can't tell you how many conversations I've had with women where they'll say, you know, I just feel so much better. Now that I've gained a little bit of weight, my body loves to be here. And I could say the same. I used to sit at a very lean point in my life. And now I probably hold on to, I don't know, I would say 7% more body fat. I probably used to stay around like 18 to 20% and now I'd say more around 26 to 28% if we're going to put a number on it. I feel so much more stable. I just feel so much less reactive and I'm able to stay warm longer. Like all of my metabolic markers - my digestion is better, my energy is better, my resilience to stress is better, and my progesterone production is absolutely better, even though I was ovulating well at my lower setpoint, I guess we could say call it that. I feel like my ovulations have more power now, which is really interesting to experience.
So from a biological perspective, you know, if you think of a woman who is at the body fat percentage that really helps them ovulate and makes them fertile, and makes them feel really good, it's probably going to be a lot higher than what is considered societally acceptable, depending on what's societally acceptable at the time. And if we're worried about someone being attracted to us, and I'm saying this for the women that, you know, I get messages very regularly about women just kind of despairing over finding a partner that is going to accept them as they are.
It’s kind of interesting to me, because I would think from a biological perspective, if a man is in his masculine energy, he has a good amount of testosterone, he's going to be attracted primarily to health. When you look at pheromones, and you look at actual attraction, physical attraction, you know, pheromones are this really interesting science that they still have so much to discover about. There's something with scent, there's something with the immune system, there's like all these moving parts, but pheromones are really what attract us, or give us that kind of primal attraction to another person. It's why we have that kind of primal connection to one person and not the other.
And when you look at pheromones themselves, you know, progesterone really impacts the pheromones of a woman. This is why we often find that our scent, our body scent, and even our vaginal scent will change throughout our cycle. Our hormones absolutely shift our pheromones. So when we think of fat as a really essential source of hormones, you know, our fat itself, our body fat itself actually can create hormones, then, if we need it, and if our body does need a little bit of extra body fat to stay at its optimal function, well, that's going to have an overall beneficial impact on our hormonal production. You know, the fat tissues are highly active producers of hormones. And again, I think this conversation, people tend to go to extremes, and they're like, well, you know, an unlimited amount of body fat is not good, Jessica. And I'm like, I know, that's not the argument here. It's just more of what societally accepted or even what societally considered beautiful.
Our society is very obsessed with leanness and women's fat distribution, where we tend to store our fat, that's really what it comes down to, which is actually kind of ridiculous. It's like, if I store fat in my breasts, it's considered a beneficial positive thing. If I store fat in my lower stomach, that's considered not a beneficial thing. If I store fat in my glutes, well, that's popular right now. So that is a good thing. And it just gets exhausting. And at the end of the day, fat is fuel that stored for later. Fat is safety to the body, period, end of story. Women's bodies, every season, go through a period where they're going to store a little bit of fat, lose a little bit of fat. Then if you're going through overarching larger seasons, like pregnancy, or breastfeeding, or it's a really stressful season of life, you're gonna probably put on some fat and lose some fat. It's that it is a tool, just like anything else to the body. And our bodies are really obsessed with safety and stability. So that is going to lead us throughout our lives as our hormones shift, as the things in our life and our environment shifts, our bodies are going to shift in shape and fat distribution. And that's just the truth.
I think what it comes down to at the end of the day is really defining what beauty is to us, and what is being beautiful, what does that mean, and separating that in our head from the beauty standard. Getting out of that group-think of just because it's societally considered beautiful, or just because it's the beauty standard, that doesn't necessarily mean that it is beautiful. It can be kind of one of those things where it's like that art where everyone is like, oh, so beautiful. So posh. So, so amazing. And you can be the only one standing there and being like, “did a two year old finger paint this and this is considered abstract art? This is considered worth $20 million. Like am I the only one in the room that thinks this?” It's okay to be that person. And it's okay to go deeper and stop letting the beauty standard define what is beautiful to you.
I can just share what that means to me. You know, for me, I went through the early years where I was trying to cover things up. I've been tempted by things like Botox or lip fillers or things like that. I've been through those times in my life and I just never could bring myself to change my face. Like I like my face, I want to look in the mirror. In the morning when I wake up with no makeup, that is me. I have no desire to be like, I want to cover this up, like I want to change who I am. I want to cover this up, I don't want to be this anymore.
I just didn't know how many women, when they wake up in the morning, they look in the mirror, they don't like what they see, they don't love what they see, they have to quickly cover it up. I have been there in my life. I've been there because I was kind of almost brainwashed in a way to think that that was part of the female existence. And that kind of idea that I need to manipulate people into thinking I'm more beautiful or liking me more. I don't know where that idea came from. I can think of a lot of different kinds of areas of programming where that was just the thing, it was like, "Don't let somebody see you without makeup on” or “don't go out of the house without makeup” or those types of things. But at the end of the day, this is part of those kinds of programs that are those spells that just kind of run over and over again, in our head, these belief systems that we hold about ourselves that aren't necessarily true. We've just kind of accepted them as truth.
But when we sit down and we realize actually I like my face, I think I'm beautiful, I love my nose. I love the scar on my lip. You know, I love those things about myself, I don't want to get rid of them. I don't want to change them. I don't want to cover them up. It becomes as we step into owning ourselves, I think that's a part of that wise woman archetype or the the Crone archetype in episode five. And somebody was like, “Can we like change that to Queen archetype?” And I was like, Yes, I like that. But it's part of that Queen archetype, where it's like, I 100% accept myself. And now my goal is to enhance the beauty I already possess, to understand that my beauty comes from the energy that I carry, and what's going on on the outside is just a reflection of my energetic potential being lived out or not on the inside.
Obviously, there are hormones involved, there are nutrients involved in that, I'm going to get into that in part two of this episode. There are many aspects that are going to affect us energetically. But at the end of the day, there's a difference between trying to change ourselves and cover ourselves up and hide ourselves away, or putting it on display for all to see and highlighting the unique features that we are proud to carry. And I think, you know, this is just my humble opinion. I think we need more women who carry themselves that way. I want more women in our world that carry themselves that way. I do my best to try to carry myself that way. But I don't want to do it alone. I think we as women need to own our beauty and learn to separate the difference between what is beautiful, and what is the beauty standard. Beauty outlasts the beauty standard. The beauty standard is going to come, it's going to go, it's going to shift, it's going to change, it's going to give you whiplash and it's going to exhaust you, but your beauty can never be taken away from you. You are beautiful. So own it.
Episode Links
In this episode, I mentioned:
Araza Beauty* (use promo code fullynourished for 15% off your next purchase)
Beauty Standards: See How Body Types Change Through History.
*This is an affiliate link that provides Jessica Ash Wellness with a small commission at no additional cost to you.
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